It seems that MS are jumping out of a sinking industry. Getting us users to move from one sinking ship to another and announcing it as great news. How long can Spotify exist with being over 600 million in debt and not making a profit? Just how have they survived so long?
With MS killing of its hardware side, as those in the know have just announced they expect the Surface range to die next year. Could only make people wonder, just how long has the XBox got?
Microsoft is giving every impression of a shrinking company, the average consumer may come to forget who they are. This in turn may affect enterprise customers thinking. Seeing Microsoft retreating into a virtual world where nobody cares about it.
Their competitors have streaked past them in the consumer market to be companies that everybody knows and recognises. Even those companies know that they can use their vast resources and pockets to prop up a side of the business that in turn makes their other products look good. People will become those that only use Microsoft products in the office. A competitor could see just how Microsoft has become and decide then they want that business. By then Microsoft would simply be too small to have the resources to fight back effectively.
Update: So when I wrote this I was extremely pissed off at losing such a good service that I love and use all the time. And will continue to do so until December 31st anyway. But seeing as the Spotify app for Windows Phone is so bad and its the only device I would use, I also hate paying for something so poor and buggy. Don’t you just hate it when good things come to an end.
I’ve had my ups and downs with Microsoft as a company. This has just kicked off one of those down periods. Lets hope they do something good soon to turn that around.
To the citizens of the United States of America, in light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II resumes monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Theresa May, MP for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there’s a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
Look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Check “aluminium” in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour’. Likewise you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary.” Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up “interspersed.” There will be no more ‘bleeps’ in the Jerry Springer show. If you’re not old enough to cope with bad language then you should not have chat shows.
There is no such thing as “US English.” We’ll let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’.
You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as ‘Taggart’ will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.You must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is “Devon.” If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become “shires” e.g. Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire.
You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1.
You should stop playing American “football.” There’s only one kind of football. What you call American “football” is not a very good game. The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays “American” football. You should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every two seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies) You should stop playing baseball. It’s not reasonable to host event called the ‘World Series’ for a game which is not played outside of America. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls’ game called “rounders,” which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.
July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It will be called “Indecisive Day.”
All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
Learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren’t French, they’re Belgian though 97.8% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer.” Substances once known as “American Beer” will henceforth be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” except for the product of the American Budweiser company which will be called “Weak Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine.” This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
The UK will harmonise petrol prices (or “Gasoline,” as you will be permitted to keep calling it) for those of the former USA, adopting UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon, get used to it).
Learn to resolve personal issues without guns, lawyers or therapists. That you need many lawyers and therapists shows you’re not adult enough to be independent. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.
Please tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us crazy.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese [Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers, Sir Lancelot of Camelot (Monty Python & The Quest for the Holy Grail), Torquay, Devon, England]
This Public Service Announcement Has Been Brought To You By Your Friends At C.O.G. Inc.
“It’s not like it used to be.” You hear it said quite often, especially by those old folk (like us). This used to describe such things as the food we eat, people’s manners and buses being on time. Well people’s taste buds change more often than they think, yes people are getting ruder and more ignorant. Especially when I’m driving and they just don’t get out of my way. Idiots. How dare they? Oh and buses are actually still pretty much on time. Well it can’t all be bad.
Another thing people gripe about is the size of things. Such comments as: –
“I remember when Wagon Wheels (the chocolate biscuit) were as big as your head when I was a kid.”
Well they could have been, you were a lot smaller then and so was your head. I know with some people it’s hard to imagine their head being smaller than it is now. Perhaps that’s just my opinion.
Recently I was confronted with absolute proof that things aren’t as big as they used to be. Blu Tack. Yes that magical stuff is handy in all sorts of situations and I remember half of my bedroom being held together with the stuff when I was much much younger. For a long time now I’ve had my comic and art book collection in storage. It was well overdue for being sorted and to see just what kind of state they were in since I saw them last. Which was before I got married. Yes that was sometime ago.
While carefully digging through and reading the odd one of two. I was quite surprised to see that pretty much everything was still in good condition. Everything was still sealed in plastic bags. But between a couple of books was an old friend. A packet of Blu Tack and, only three-quarters used. What a find. Of course I had only just bought a pack a month or two before. Typical. But when I placed them side by side the difference was very clear.
I don’t know exactly how old the one on the right is, but the reference to Trim-phones places it in the early Eighties if not Seventies. Yes I’ve been holding onto that one for a while.
But the real measure of what you got then and what you get now can be found inside. Not only is the older one wider and taller but thicker as well. Yes OK I know talking about Blu Tack is more than a little strange, but in this case there’s a principal. It shows that companies have cut the size of things you used to remember of the products you used everyday. What a difference three decades makes.
If anybody else has anything like this, please let me know.